Explaining polyamory to a child. Take it slow and don’t rush.

Polyamory is in the news, in the movies, and in the therapy room. Medically reviewed by Kelley Yost Abrams, Ph. Jan 30, 2016 · 3. Polyamory is distinct from other types of CNM in that people engaged May 22, 2016 · As of right now, polyamory comes up at my school often, yes it is likely a more recent phenomenon but it will still be something discussed in academic circles. May 2, 2024 · Key Takeaways. I have some old mindset family members who… Apr 24, 2023 · Defining Polyamory. Poly couples are intimate all the time. 3 (2): 4–25. Jan 4, 2008 · Kids, whose parents have shared their choices honestly and included poly partners in their family life, are amazing. A special bond is created through intimacy that makes it easier to maintain the relationship. "every family is different and that's OK! Can you think of some ways families are built? Some families have a mom and a dad with kids, some families have two moms or two dad, some families have more than one parent, or no parents! Some families even choose to have a lot of children or no children! The biggest part of building a family is love. in Sociology, and since then I have collected three more waves of data and written a book summarizing the Mar 25, 2011 · As extended families who live together become increasingly rare, especially in the affluent West, polyamorous families are one way that some people are counteracting the isolation of the lone Mar 23, 2022 · How can you explain polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, or open-relationships to your partner? How can you explain these non-traditional relationships to someon Sep 29, 2021 · Polyamory is a form of consensual or ethical non-monogamy wherein people may have romantic relationships with multiple people at the same time, says sex and relationship coach Azaria Menezes. Polyamory is an umbrella term for people who want to have intimate relationships with more than one person. But it’s useless trying to explain when they won’t listen. Solo polyamory adds a subclause to that — there should also be no merging of life infrastructure. For the sake of your companion, don’t move too quickly. Me: Yes I am. Hopefully your ex will engage in a conversation about being Poly with you for your child's sake. "Notions of love in polyamory: Elements in a discourse on multiple loving". May 7, 2010 · Perhaps, we only come up with these reasons afterwards to explain the behaviors we notice ourselves engaging in. Within a mononormative culture, becoming polyamorous may be associated with uncertainty and a feeling of being suspended. , is an expert on polyamory and sexual-minority families with children. Express your needs, desires, and concerns openly, but also be receptive to your partners’ perspectives. Having realistic expectations of what polyamory is like and the kind of work/effort you have to do in these kinds of relationships are important. In addition to advantages, kids growing up in polyamorous families mention a range of disadvantages as well. It's just most people take it literally, since they're closer in type, both affectionate relationships. Many people still believe that polyamorous couples’ lives revolve around intimacy, but, as is the case for monogamous couples, the frequency with which May 12, 2024 · 5 Tips for Kids with Polyamorous Parents. Apr 2, 2017 · Like many teens, they do not spend a lot of time thinking or talking about their parents’ lives outside of how it impacts them directly. Tell her that its understandable for her to have the emotions she has, and that it's ok. One of the most painful ways that polyphobia impacts lives is when poly people are seen as less trustworthy or responsible as parents, or have their rights to see or parent their children revoked. Be askable about all sorts of things to help kids see it is safe to ask questions. Nov 10, 2015 · 3. Open communication, respect for boundaries, and potentially seeking support from LGBTQ+ inclusive therapists can be helpful in navigating family dynamics. Listen without centering yourself. In regards to what to say to your child my very Kink aware therapist suggested to keep it simple. Polyamory is a consensual and ethical form of non-monogamy that involves multiple romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Platonic polyamory, a form of non-monogamy that prioritizes deep emotional connections over physical or romantic intimacy, offers a different approach to relationships. We are therefore more than a little cautious about having someone jump into a role that can't be followed through. Denial of Adoption. #3. Personal anecdotes can help humanize the concept and foster empathy. Create a safe space for your friends and family to express their concerns, ask questions, and share their Posted by u/folsam - No votes and 4 comments Aug 10, 2023 · Aug 10, 2023. The first time your parents talk to you about their open relationship, you might not have a lot of clear questions to ask them right Feb 1, 2023 · The Rodgers, Alysia and Tyler, had two children of their own: a son and a daughter, now 7 and 8. Dec 22, 2011 · Find common ground in the argument. You don't need to totally agree with their premise, but find parts of their argument that you can agree with. The motorcycle analogy may be easier to process as symbolic (you have a literal symbol in the bike), but the friends or children analogy is also supposed to be symbolic. Validate the emotions she experiences when she finds you looking at someone else. It is not about being promiscuous or having no boundaries, but rather it’s about exploring love without limits while respecting everyone involved. Ask Your Parents What Worries or Concerns Them About Polyamory. If you do want to, but choose not to for conventional or compassionate reasons (eg to help a mono partner), it's still a polyamerous relationship, primarily because you are in love rather than just lust. That doesn't mean Nov 23, 2022 · Polyamory is an umbrella term denoting the practice of having multiple romantic and intimate relationships with the consent of everyone involved. Sheff also said that polyamory allows for a unique type of stability for children because parents don’t necessarily need to sever their relationship and shatter the family unit when they Jan 2, 2022 · Elisabeth Sheff, Ph. Here are some communication tips for navigating polyamorous relationships: Practice active listening and empathy. Small children get attached to adults in their lives and I wouldn't want my child to start forming that relationship with my partner until I felt the relationship was stable and likely to be long-term. You must prioritize that above your family’s nosiness or entitlement to explanations. Maybe it feels important for you to de-center romantic relationships or the nuclear family. Reply. Hi guys. I have no evidence, but it is my belief that if you aren't interested in sex, you Skip to main content. Ask them about their concerns. Some have their curiosity aroused when they learn about 5. Children in polyamorous families may receive more attention from multiple adults, but they are at a higher risk of abuse and maltreatment with unrelated adults in the home. For example, one individual can decide to How to Explain Polyamory to a Monogamous Person; Monogamy Vs Polyamory: Pros and Cons; How to leave a narcissist with a child; Polyamory and Taxes; Casual Dating Vs Polyamory: Understanding the Differences; Polyamory and Divorce; Does Polyamory Work Long-Term; When to Quit Polyamory; PTSD and Polyamory; Do Narcissists Use Polyamory? Jul 2, 2013 · Peg doll family set by GoodfaithToys. “It’s a lifestyle where Jan 26, 2022 · Elisabeth Sheff, Ph. 9. As long as you are happy in your relationship display it. I have 50/50 custody of this child. It covers polyamory in a way that's broad enough to get them engaged about thinking about other types of relationships beyond standard monogamy. Make it very clear that you’re The most important thing here is your partner’s comfort. 1. 7. Allow your spouse some time to learn one facet of polyamory at a time. May 22, 2024 · Published: May 22, 2024 1:58pm EDT. That some people have a big enough heart to love more than 1 person. Polyamory is openly, honestly, and consensually loving and being committed to more than one person. This is especially the case when a couple has opened up, one or both started dating someone, and when the original couple breaks up, one continues to date the newer partner. All she needs to understand is that the guy she likes isn't willing to offer what she wants. Friend: But, I thought you were married. Polyamory involves the practice of engaging in multiple romantic or emotional relationships simultaneously with the Jul 28, 2021 · Some polyamorous parents have told their children about their lifestyles. Don't try to over play it or make it "normal" just be normal and casual. Jul 26, 2019 · Despite noting how hard it was to define polyamory, this was actually what all the polyamorous people who spoke with us said: Polyamory is about spreading the love. Hello all, I was wondering what the simplest way to explain this to people who don't understand would be. Open menu Open navigation Go to Reddit Home Open navigation Go to Reddit Home Navigating Family Dynamics: Explaining polyamory to family members can be a complex process. May 24, 2023 · When explaining polyamory to children, it’s important to use age-appropriate language and concepts. #1. You didn’t initially mention that a key tenant of polyamory is that everyone involved consents to multiple relationships so your initial definition sounded more like the definition for non-monogamy. Polyamory is a practice or philosophy where someone has, or is open to having, multiple loving partners simultaneously with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. All four individuals live together in the same house and one of the women (not my sister) is expecting a baby in the fall. Knowing what you are looking for is also important. Many children from polyamorous May 8, 2014 · New member. . Polyphobia prevents many people from adopting children. Others try polyamory to fix a broken relationship. They may or may not accept it, ever. Or even the second time. The word polyamory can be broken down into two 81 votes, 48 comments. This subreddit discusses news, views, and issues around polyamory, polyfidelity, poly people, and related issues. Here's the original text of the post: I’m staunchly child free So is my partner (I thought) They’re in the budding stages of a relationship with someone who has a child (under 10) The parent has shared custody and child lives with them. False. Their expression can take a range of forms focusing on both physical and emotional intimacy with secondary or Nov 14, 2017 · I'm wondering if anyone can help me by sharing their experience with explaining poly to their children? Our sweet ones are 7 and 10, and it feels like it may be time to have a discussion with my 10 year old daughter. Sep 3, 2022 · Considering the progress of (or lack thereof, depending on your point of view) race relations, women’s rights, and gay rights; I’d guess that a more common acceptance of polyamory is still another two generations away. Jun 1, 2022 · Why Chosen Families Are Essential to LGBTQIA+ Parents and Their Children. Just because you have the capacity for sexual attraction for anyone regardless of their sex or gender identity May 29, 2018 · Here is a model for a positive way to tell your parents you’re polyamorous: “Hey, mom and dad, you are both very important to me, and therefore it is important that you know about all of the other people who are important to me and who bring joy into my life. Mar 9, 2024 · Polyamory, a term derived from the Greek “poly” (many) and Latin “amor” (love), means having multiple loving relationships with the consent, knowledge and support* of everyone involved. Me: This is my partner Henry. Jul 8, 2018 · Make sure that polyamory will do for you what you think it will. 2% (n = 127) resided full-time with at least one child 18 years old or younger. The word itself comes from the Greek combining form poli- (plurality) and the term “amor” (love). Your kid being nonbinary, gender non-conforming, and/or The fact that they ask questions then cut you off when you try to explain is telling me they don’t want to hear the explanation. Jul 12, 2023 · Share your own experiences and feelings about polyamory. Any specific pitfalls to look out… May 7, 2010 · It's only a friends-only relationship if you don't WANT sex. The effort that goes into just making simple farmers cheese at home only makes me want to go through the process a few times in life. Rebecca Woolf, a freelance writer, filmmaker, and book author, said her children still find her boring despite her non If they are interested in reading, Stepping off the Relationship Escalator is a good read with lots of information and applications to lots of kinds of people in relationships. Online: Jan 6, 2015 · Polyamory has existed for centuries, but it's only recently — as society warms to formerly unconventional romantic setups — that polyamory has landed on the mainstream radar. Nov 5, 2020 · MYTH 1: Pansexuals are sexually promiscuous. Making Brie, Cheddar, Swiss, etc, takes monumentally more effort than eating a cheese plate. At least give her the opportunity to discuss it before you talk to your child. You are not likely to get them to understand the first time. Laboratorium. Be matter-of-fact and discuss the topic without shame. My gf has a young kid (5ish) and we wanted to see if anyone has tried explaining their relationship to a young kid. Young Adults 18 – 25. One of the hold-ups is very few people even understand what polyamory is. That’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s necessary. In fact, they are. It is not a poly problem per se but it is a very COMMON problem in poly due to all the NRE. Nov 14, 2019 · Polyamory 101: What Every Therapist Needs to Know. 2. As media attention for this open relationship style grows, more and more people are giving it a try. I so desperately do not want children in or around my life, my partner always said that they were the same. One thing is certain. Hey, first time poster here 👋🏼! Just a bit of background: I am very new to polyamory, (~3 months of pursuing multiple romantic… Sep 21, 2023 · Read: Different Polyamory Living Arrangements. Plenty of monogamous people already understand that you can have romantic feelings for more than one person, it's best to let them explain that to each other. Whether you have children or not, your parents are often going to be concerned about how polyamory will affect their grandchildren. Not just for you, but also so you can explain your needs to others. Let them see how happy this relationship makes you. My sister (who lives just a few miles away and is very involved in my life and the life of our large extended family) is part of an open polyamorous quad. I have 2 youngish children, one 5 the other is 11, and was wondering how you would explain being poly to them if they ever found out? Jul 25, 2023 · Dr. The specific agreements within CNM relationships can vary, depending on what the partners need and want. Being poly on its own can mean navigating the comforts and sensitivities of yourself, your primary partner or primaries, your friends with benefits, your hookups Toggle navigation. Aug 21, 2023 · Polyamory refers to engaging in consensual, ethical non-monogamous relationships with multiple partners. Mar 12, 2015 · When polyamorous partners break up, a majority of people, particularly monogamous people or those unfamiliar with poly, instantly assume that polyamory was the problem. not. Key Takeaways. It Polyamory is openly, honestly, and consensually loving and being committed to more than one person. Jun 3, 2021 · 1. Feb 28, 2024 · By shifting their focus to cooperative co-parenting, poly parents show their children that a healthy relationship isn’t just about love and sex; it’s about being kind and respectful. Sep 15, 2020 · Explain your choices and the changes that are coming, but don’t forget to let your children know that their needs matter too. Apr 17, 2017 · Disadvantages. "Everyone involved in the polyamorous relationship has consented to the relationship dynamic," she adds. Polyamory allows you and your partner to progressively explore one facet of each other. Polyamory is a form of ethical non-monogamy that allows individuals to have multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships at the same time. They will sleep with anyone. Monogamy is a relationship structure where people choose romantic and sexual exclusivity with one person even when, not if, attractions to others occur. Explaining your relationships with others is good, as everyone has a different poly lifestyle, it will help your therapist to know about the people in your life. Jun 9, 2023 · 3. Solo polys don’t want to cohabitate, get married, have kids, etc. Nov 16, 2022 · Polyamory refers to the desire for and the practice of engaging in consensual, non-monogamous romantic or sexual relationships with multiple partners. Your kid’s gender journey is not about you. It's not feelings or crushes. ^ a b Klesse, C. Apr 29, 2024 · Some people seek polyamory because they know they’re not monogamous by nature. If your parents aren’t exactly enthusiastic in response to your coming out, asking them what bothers them about polyamory can be an effective way to get to the heart of the issue (and possibly reassure them). She is the author of Stories from the Polycule: Real Life in Polyamorous Families. I wanted to let you know that I benefit from the love and support of two romantic Oct 28, 2013 · The relationship a child has with one’s parents at each stage and phase of their life plays the largest role in terms of what they are able to accept vs. They exude confidence, are honest and curious, are not afraid to ask questions, and seem to be interested in life beyond their peer group. Love is a force of nature, and sooner or later, nature will Jun 26, 2023 · Explaining polyamory during the discussion itself is helpful, but it may also be useful to have podcasts, books, or websites (especially those from polyamorous people themselves) that your partner can explore on their own after the conversation is finished. Single Poly vs. When we three decided to be a family, we had many careful discussions about this child. Establish Open and Honest Communication. D. (2011). Not even ethical non monogamy, just non monogamy. While the concept may seem unfamiliar to some, it holds great appeal for individuals seeking emotional satisfaction and diverse connections. Either way you slice it- whether a child is accepting or not, whether a child feels misled or not, the fact still remains that loss of love, the end of significant adult figures in a • Explain that polyamory challenges the societal norm of exclusive monogamy, allowing individuals to explore and embrace different relationship dynamics: We’re rebels with hearts—a community breaking free from the shackles of traditional romance rules while embracing a world full of possibilities. Your “why” is important because it will help ground you during the highs and buoy you through the lows that polyamory can bring. When someone gay comes out to his or her parents Building up expectations of involvement in a child's life and then having that person suddenly go poof is going to effect their attitude towards Polyamory. Moreover, the preferential attitude towards monogamy marginalises polyamory as indecent and corrupt, creating feelings of shame In short, polyamory is a romantic or romantic-sexual relationship among more than two people with the knowledge and consent of all involved. Conclusion. Use the language of "hanging Mar 21, 2024 · Kitchen table polyamory is a specific dynamic where there's a lot more camaraderie. This means no moving-in, no marriage. You want your child to get the correct information from you, and to feel safe talking to you about sex. It's agreements. This is not to say that they aren’t like other kids. In this webinar, Martha will provide an introduction to polyamory from a therapist's perspective, including explaining why she Oct 13, 2017 · October 13, 2017, 10:43am. Child Custody Issues. Take it slow and don’t rush. 6. Written by Colleen de Bellefonds | Apr 13, 2023. Emphasize honesty, openness, and communication as fundamental values within the family. Jan 2, 2022 · Use age-appropriate language. My husband's partner has recently moved away, but mine is still very much in our lives. Aug 11, 2023 · By PolyAuthor August 11, 2023. A recent paper by Hnatkovicova and Bianchi ETA: To explain having feelings for multiple people at the same time just point them to any story with a plot based on a love triangle or cheating. Ask questions. These include emotional disadvantages like social stigma, complexity Yeah, that sounds like you tried to explain the details before you explained the basic concept. Everyone who is a parent in a new relationship with a lot of infatuation/ NRE risk neglecting their children like this. Maybe you see polyamory as a way to build community and take care of others. I would suggest you give them some time. We also have to be considerate of the burden we put on our children by standing on this soap-box. Solo Poly Jun 1, 2021 · For instance, a study conducted by the Canadian Research Institute for Law and the Family in 2016 surveyed Canadians about polyamory and found that 68% (n = 372) of respondents were involved in a polyamorous relationship at the time of the survey and that 23. Polyamorous parents value open communication and mutual consent in their relationships. Active Listening and Empathy. Oct 26, 2016 · Polyamorous open relationships, or consensual non-monogamy, are an umbrella category. Different types of polyamorous relationships include hierarchical polyamory, non-hierarchical polyamory, solo polyamory, and polyfidelity, each with its own unique set of 17 votes, 31 comments. Snap. They want to remain independent. You risk losing yourself or your partner if you go too fast. There's very much an emphasis on a group dynamic as well as individual connections between the people involved Jul 22, 2023 · Solo polyamory is about embracing your independence while exploring multiple connections. You have this chance to prove to your partner that you won’t prioritize people-pleasing over their safety! 3. In other words, partners can have close and loving relationships with other people—without it being considered cheating or “wrong. For most parents, non-monogamy can serve as a way to get their life back after giving so much of themselves to raising a May 22, 2024 · 2. While you might think explaining a polyamorous relationship to children would be difficult, Tyler said it was pretty easy. 55 votes, 29 comments. In this dynamic, you are not someone in the relationship but someone who happens to have relationships. Figuring out the blow to her ego is up to her, and if she gets there by going "well he wasn't good enough for me anyways" that's going to work just as well for her as "well actually wanting polyamory isn't about how much someone likes someone else anyways It sends an idea poly is just about insatiable nibbling at the delights of life. Jan 25, 2023 · These relationships are a form of consensual non-monogamy between two or more people. Sara and I are polyamorous. My, and our, first priority is the emotional and physical safety of my child, and how our family structure and relationships would affect her. Give your partner time and space I'm sad they never realized on their own - not even in hindsight - that they had been neglectful parents. Polyamory does not always involve both partners having multiple relationships. You date folks, maybe exclusively, while keeping your own identity intact. Recently my husband and I decided to inform my parents about us being poly… to which they got angry and said, ‘well… Jun 9, 2024 · I have a young child who is loving and bright. Polyamory — being open to having more than one romantic partner at the same time, with everyone’s knowledge and consent — is on the rise, particularly Talking to your child about sex can be challenging, but it's important to have the discussion at a fairly early age. It's not a magical state where attractions to others cease. 8. The concept originated in the English-speaking world as “polyamory” (which would be translated as Feb 7, 2024 · Instead, imagine the life you want for yourself. It challenges the conventional monogamous paradigm by offering an ethical framework for managing multiple romantic relationships. Polyamory offers an alternative way to experience love and intimacy. The lesson for everyone else? May 14, 2024 · This article delves into the multifaceted effects of polyamory on children, examining psychological, societal, legal, and cultural perspectives. Apr 2, 2017 · The Polyamorous Families Study began in 1996 as my dissertation research for my Ph. Home; About Us; Consulting; Speaking; Publications; Contact Us; how to explain polyamory to family Polyamory describes a form of relationship where it is possible, valid and worthwhile to maintain (usually long-term) intimate and sexual relationships with multiple partners simultaneously. Monogamous people continually choose their person. ”. Focus on the idea of love and explain that some families have more than one loving relationship. In the context of parenting, it involves balancing the dynamics of multiple loving relationships while raising children. We don’t have a lot of studies yet, but what we do have says that a polyamorous family can be just as healthy for kids as a monogamous one. ‘But What About Our Grandchildren?’. May 8, 2014. Friend: That… She doesn't need to understand polyamory. Clear and consistent communication is paramount in polyamory. Poly mantra #1: Go Slowly and Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. , developmental psychologist. Divorcees, single parents, etc. Explain why it resonates with you and how it has positively impacted your life. In a society that has long upheld monogamy as the norm, polyamory and polyamorous families have emerged as alternative relationship structures that prioritize love, communication, and openness. Online: Apr 27, 2024 · Polyamory is a journey into conscious and intentional relationship-building, where individuals explore the capacity to love more than one person simultaneously with respect, trust, and honesty. zj te vf dt tq ip rd pb ld he